A common theme in many pulpits today is how we can learn to love and feel good about ourselves, literally the pursuit of loving self. The drive to become confident overcoming children of God, attractive to those in the world whom we seek to reach by first understanding how to love ourselves and boost our self image. It's a compelling thought that is taking hold and one that people in the world can relate to. People in general know they have a bad self image as they can sense it in themselves. So to hear that God wants them to learn to love themselves and have a good self image and that this pleases the Lord can be somewhat exhilarating!

This popular philosophy that is undergirding and influencing more and more preaching today is justified by the commandment of Jesus given in Matthew 22:39, "Love your neighbour as yourself." What is said is this, "Jesus told us to love our neighbour as ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how are we ever going to be able to fulfil this commandment?" They go on to say that we have been failing to keep this command over the centuries because we have been missing out the important bit which says we are to first learn to love ourselves. They point out that huge numbers in the church and indeed in the world seem to hate themselves, so this must be the key to reaching out to them. This must be what we've been missing all these years of trying to evangelise the world!

But is this what Jesus was meaning when He told us to love our neighbour as ourselves? Was Jesus really telling us to learn to love ourselves when He gave us this command?

The apostle Paul states in the letter to the Ephesians chapter 5 verses 28 - 29,

"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife LOVES HIMSELF; for NO-ONE EVER HATED HIS OWN FLESH, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church."

Paul states that every person whether born-again or not, love themselves instinctively. It is not something that needs to be worked upon, built up or developed, it exists NATURALLY in every human being. Therefore when Jesus tells us to love our neighbours as ourselves, he is telling people, "Love people the SAME WAY in which you ALREADY love yourself. You know how to do that well enough; now apply the same principle in putting others first instead of yourself," a theme we see constantly throughout the New Testament teachings of Jesus and the apostles, putting others before ourselves. If Jesus wanted us to work on loving ourselves, surely he would have told us directly, "Love yourselves." HE NEVER DID. He told us directly time after time to love God, our neighbour, the brotherhood of believers even our enemies, but NEVER ourselves.

The apostle Paul takes this same scripture in Ephesians 5:25-33, and develops what it really means within the context of a Christian marriage:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.... So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it.... Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself...."

Within the context, the emphasis is always on loving the other person, loving others as passionately or in the same way as you ALREADY love yourself. Encouraging people to love themselves is never mentioned in the text - it just does not fit with what these verses are saying. To suggest that Jesus was telling us to love ourselves when He said, "Love your neighbour as yourself," is presenting as truth something this passage does not say whilst ignoring what it directly does mean to say. Paul takes this same scripture in Gal.5:13 - 15 and again in Rom.13:9 - 10, and expounds it in exactly the same way. The emphasis is on loving others as we ALREADY love ourselves. Exhorting people to love themselves is never even implied; the whole concept is ALIEN to the explanations for this verse given by the apostle Paul in these references.

But some may think, how can the Bible say we already love ourselves when so many people obviously dislike themselves and are full of insecurities and rejection? Such questions arise because we often confuse what loving ourselves really means and what it leads to. It could also be down to the fact that many people in the West have been brainwashed by popular psychology into thinking that our problems with a lack of confidence and insecurities all stem from not loving ourselves enough. They do not. The Bible says everybody loves themselves anyway. We feed ourselves, protect ourselves, cherish and look out for ourselves. Self always comes first; it is the natural inclination of our hearts. Even people full of insecurities and rejection chronically love themselves. In fact loving themselves actually produces MORE insecurity and rejection when they don't have the confidence or natural attributes to measure up to the so-called norms of society. "What will people think of me," or, "How embarrassing," or, "What will happen if I fail?" are all common responses from such self-centred people. They love themselves so much, their pride cannot bear to be looked down upon, viewed as different or even to be seen to have failed.

Having a bad self image has nothing whatsoever to do with not loving ourselves enough. Neither does feeling a sense of rejection or lacking in confidence. These all come from an inherent personality weakness or an experience of rejection or failure in life that we have been unable to deal with properly. Most people in life have experience of this. Very few individuals have a natural confidence that stems from who they are. Most seemingly confident people have their confidence rooted in SOMETHING such as their job, money, good looks, popularity or skill in some area. Once these outward things are taken out of the way, their confidence fizzles out pretty quickly as well.

People today are being told, "If you can learn to love yourself as Jesus (supposedly) told you to, your confidence will sky-rocket and you will really be able to reach out and help others." When people in the church are told they need more confidence in order to obey Jesus, logically the vast majority will agree and strive to get it, that is when they thinking according to a human reasoning. But developing confidence based on loving ourselves is highly dangerous because it disguises what is still within us, that is a chronic self - centeredness or love of self. We like the feeling of being confident so we tend to ignore anything that will potentially threaten this, including dealing with our devotion to self. However such confidence is based on self and ultimately self will fail - it is unavoidable. When this happens our confidence will desert us and we once again begin the long process of convincing ourselves to be confident people. Such shallow confidence based on dead works is not the confidence described in the Bible. This Divine confidence is UNSHAKABLE and completely based on the fact that God loves us, NOT that we love ourselves. As the apostle Paul so aptly puts it in II Cor.3:4 - 6,

"Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant...."

If you knew, I mean really knew that God loved you DESPITE what you have done, a supernatural confidence would arise in your heart. It is unavoidable. The problem people have is that they don't realise or maybe can't quite accept that God really loves them despite their inadequacies and failures. Maybe they feel that their sin is just too much for God to deal with or it's just too bad. If this is you, don't waste another moment holding onto these useless things. Throw yourself on the mercies and grace of God, the Lord whose compassions are, "New every morning," Lam.3:22, and who says of those who trust in Him and His covenant, "Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more," Heb.8:12.

In II Tim.3:1 - 5, Paul warns there will be perilous or terrible times in the last days and the first sign of this is that people will be lovers of self. But isn't this exactly what we're being taught to do? What a perversity! The Bible says we already love ourselves; now instead apply that love to others first by laying down your life for your brothers (I John 3:16). To concentrate on loving self is unbiblical, utterly nonsensical and downright dangerous. It rapidly leads to pride, the root cause of all sin. The Bible exhorts us to be selfless; we are being taught to love and cherish ourselves. These statements are DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED to each other. I Cor.13:5 tells us that love (agape) is not self-seeking. We say it is self-seeking when we pursue a love of ourselves. Let all sensible people see this so-called doctrine for what it really is, a doctrine of demons, and let us cut out this cancerous teaching from the body of Christ immediately!